Hickbonics
The Association of Southern Schools
has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless
taxpayer dollars pipelined through Washington
by designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics," as
a language to be taught in all Southern schools.
A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone.
The following are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English
dictionary:
HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"
BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to
borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida.
Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck."
BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol
is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an'
left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of
barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas
native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of
that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard
a few munts ago."
ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts
all in my pickup truck."
FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change
the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna
catch far."
TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from
Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to
engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna
whup y'uh."
RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for
our rats."
FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must
be from some farn country."
DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He ain't breathin', Jimbo. He must be
did."
EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"
AIR - (noun) - A mistake.
Usage: "Tha outfielder made a air, an' tha runner
got a triple out of it."
BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh
got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert.
He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."
('corse, theyz jus kidden about me, ya rekon?-
Bubba)
SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
Usage: "I wus thare. I seed him do it."
VIEW - contraction: (verb and pronoun), "have
you"
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."
TWYST - (adverb) - Two times.
Usage: "I seed him twyst in tha same day."
If ya lacked these, then yer gonna lack Bubba's "Definishuns
Fer Suthern Wurds". |
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