In Good 'Ol Boy's Heaven . . . .
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In Good 'Ol Boy's Purgatory . . . .
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| Beer at the bar is
only a nickel, and you have unlimited credit on your tab. |
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Beer at the bar is
only a nickel, and you have unlimited credit on your tab,..... but the beer
is warm and tastes like p*ss. |
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| Everybody gets a free
pickup truck that runs and sounds like a NASCAR racer, and there is NO speed limit. |
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Everybody gets a free
pickup truck that runs and sounds like a NASCAR racer, and there is NO speed limit,
....but it's always rush hour and the traffic is bumper to bumper doing 5 MPH. |
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| Everybody has a 300
watt surround sound entertainment center with a 60 inch widescreen TV. |
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Everybody has a 300
watt surround sound entertainment center with a 60 inch widescreen TV, .....but
the remote don't work, and the only programming is British situation comedies on PBS. |
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In
Good 'Ol
Boy's
Heaven
. . .
.
|
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In Good 'Ol Boy's Purgatory . . . .
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| Everybody
has an 18 inch digital TV dish antenna that works with ANY satellite. |
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Everybody
has an 18 inch digital TV dish antenna that works with ANY satellite, ....
but you're so far underground the signals are permanently blocked. |
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| Everybody has their
very own custom $20,000 bass boat. |
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Everybody has their
very own custom $20,000 bass boat, .... but the fishing ain't so good in them
hot LAVA POOLS. |
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| Everybody has the
talent to be a country music star and they automatically know how to play any instrument they pick
up. |
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Everybody has the
talent to be a country music star and they automatically know how to play any instrument they pick
up, .... but the only instruments available are bongo drums and harpsicords. |
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In Good 'Ol Boy's Heaven . . . .
|
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In Good 'Ol Boy's Purgatory . . . .
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| Free
beer, nachos and dip is delivered to your door daily. |
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Free
beer, nachos and dip is delivered to your door daily,
.... all pre-mixed together in one big plastic bowl.
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| Your pickup truck
has a 400 watt 12-speaker sound system with two 18 inch woofers and a 10- CD changer. |
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Your pickup truck has
a 400 watt 12-speaker sound system with two 18 inch woofers and a 10- CD changer,
.... but the only CDs available are Beethoven and Lawrence Welk. |
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| They have NASCAR races
every Sunday afternoon, and admission is FREE. |
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They have NASCAR races
every Sunday afternoon, and admission is FREE, .... but Sunday never comes. |
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In Good 'Ol Boy's Heaven . . . .
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In Good 'Ol Boy's Purgatory . . . .
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| The Big Steer bar
and dance hall is open every night, all night, and the band never takes a break. |
|
The Big Steer bar and
dance hall is open every night, all night, and the band never takes a break,
.... but who wants to listen to the "Happy Yodeler's Polka Band"? |
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| It's always hunting
and fishing season, no licenses are required, and there is no bag limit. |
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It's always hunting
and fishing season, no licenses are required, and there is no bag limit. So
what, there's nothing to hunt and there are no fish. |
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| There is Monday night
football every single week all year long and there are Super Bowls four times a year. |
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There is Monday night
football every single week all year long and there are Super Bowls four times a year, ....
but they're always preempted by Women's Bowling League Tournaments. |
