Your
Starship Captain Might Be a Redneck
If...
Your shuttlecraft has been
up on blocks for over a month.
He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the
warp nacelles.
You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
He has the sensor array repaired with a
bent coathanger and aluminum foil.
He installs a set of bullhorns on the front
of the saucer section.
He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead
of "open hailing frequencies".
He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
He rewires his communicator into his belt
buckle.
He keeps a six-pack under his command chair
and a gun rack above it.
He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".
He programs the food replicator for beer,
ribs, and turnip greens.
He paints the starship John Deere green.
He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light
Special".
He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp".
His moonshine is stronger than Romulan
Ale.
He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen".
His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib
overalls.
He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge.
His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol'
XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies.
He sets phaser to "Cajun". |
...and
Bubba adds his own original section
called -
It
Might Not Even Be A Real Starship If...
The main component of the life support
system is a "still".
Data is propped up in a corner and looks
like a great big green plastic alien blow-up
doll.
Transporter malfunctions include "sorry
captain, but we're out of glitter".
The captain thinks the term "Away Team" is
a cityslicker's way of saying "Giddyup".
Your food replicator is a chicken laying
eggs.
The engineering section looks suspiciously
like a garage.
You hear over the com system..."Captain
to Engineering, I need more speed out of
those engines", and they answer, "Engineering
to the Captain, We're shoveling as fast
as we can."
The captain thinks a Microwave is waving "bye
bye" with your little finger.
The captain thinks you communicate with
Nanoites with "little itty bitty walkie
talkies". |
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Notice: The
contents of this page were sent to Bubba
as email. If no credits are given it
is because the email came with no authors
credit included. If you are aware of
any copyrights pertaining to the contents
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that proper credit may be given, or items
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