Bubba, the hero
Emily Sue fell down the steps and broke her leg, so Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba
that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and
you pick her up there?"
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Drinking Buddies
One day Earl and Bubba were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba,
said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin'
these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "I gotta idea. We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'
these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the
seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty
bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff frowned and said, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," replied Earl, "we're on the patch."
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The Diesel Fitter
Hank and Bubba worked together in a southern textile mill when they both got laid off, so they went
to the unemployment office together.
When asked his occupation, Hank said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The
clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $150 a week
unemployment pay.
Next Bubba went in and was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.
Since a diesel fitter is a skilled job the clerk gave Bubba $500 a week.
When Hank found out about this he was furious. He stormed back in to the unemployment office to
find out why Bubba was collecting more that three times his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled laborers and diesel fitters are skilled laborers."
"What skill?" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic band on. Then Bubba pulls on it with
both thumbs and says, 'Yep, dese'll fit'er'."
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Everybody Knows Bubba Too
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name
someone, anyone, and I know 'em."
Tired of Bubba's boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Why, sure. Hey, me and Tom is good ole buddies, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss took the company plane out to Hollywood and knocked on Tom Cruise's door.
Sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in
and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba
that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else, anybody. Go ahead," Bubba says.
"Alright then, ....President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"You mean the other Bubba? Sure," Bubba says, "I know Bill from when I lived in
Arkansas. I'd love to fly out to Washington and visit."
So off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss
over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend
come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White
house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Okay, Bubba. I got a stumper for you. I bet you don't know the Pope?" his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My grandpappy is from Poland, and I've known the Pope from before
he was the Pope."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when
Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell
you what, I know all the guards, I'll just go on upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with
the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba
emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by
paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "Well, Bubba, I was doing just fine until you and the Pope came out
on the balcony and the man next to me poked me in the ribs and asked me, 'Hey, who's that on the
balcony with Bubba?'"
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Bubba and Friends
Bubba died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the
body. So they called up his two friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe, to ID the body.
Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jim-Bob said, "Yep, he's burnt purdy
bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over. Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "No,
dat ain't Bubba."
The mortician didn't see anything unusual about the corpse's backside, but he didn't say anything.
Instead, he brought in Billy-Joe.
Billy-Joe looked at the body and said, "Yep, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician
rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "No, dat ain't Bubba."
The mortician said, "How can you tell?"
Billy-Joe said, "Well, ya see, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" exclaimed the mortician.
"Yep. Everybody in town knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us went to town, everybody
would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
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It's Late. Do You Know Who Your Parents Are?
Bubba
took a
trip to
Fargo,
North
Dakota,
to visit
a distant
cousin.
While
there,
they went
to a bar
for a
few beers.
An Indian
on the
stool
next to
Bubba
struck
up a friendly
conversation
and eventualy
said,
"Look,
let's
have a
little
game.
I'll ask
you a
riddle.
If you
can answer
it, I'll
buy YOU
a drink.
If you
can't
then you
buy ME
one. OK?"
"Yeah, thet sounds purdy good," said Bubba.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister.
Who was it?"
Bubba scratched his head and finally said, "Ah give up. Hew was it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian. So Bubba paid for the drinks.
Back in North Carolina, Bubba went into a bar and spotted one of his buddies, Clyde. "Say, Clyde"
he said, "ah got a game fer yuh. If'n yew kin answer a question, ah'll buy yew a drink. If yew
cain't, YEW have to buy ME one. Fair nuff?"
"Fair enough," said Clyde.
"All raht...mah daddy and mah momma had one chile. It warn't my brudder. It warn't my sister.
Hew was it?"
"Search me," said Clyde. "Ah give up, hew was it?"
"I node yuh couldn't guess it cause yuh never met him. It was some Indian way up thar in Fargo,
North Dakota."
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Does A Pig Squeal?
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is dis here da FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm callin ta leave whut cha call one o' them annonimus tips. That Bubba fella over in Deep
Holler is hidin mariwanna in his farwood."
"This will be noted," the FBI said.
Next day, a whole slew of FBI come over to Bubba's house. They search the shed where the firewood
is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, apologize to Bubba, swear at the anonymous
tipper and leave.
A few minutes later the phone rings at Bubba's house. Bubba answers and the voice says, "Hey,
Bubba! Did tha FBI come?"
"Yep! Sure did," he answered.
"Did they chop yur farwood?" the voice asks.
"Yep, they sure did."
"Okay, Bubba," the voice said. "Now it's yur turn ta call. I need muh garden plowed."
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included. If you are aware of any copyrights pertaining to the contents of this page, please email
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